i think that maybe i'm crazy.

I've been thinking a lot about my trip to Africa, trying to decide what exactly it meant to me. And somehow, I only came up with one incredibly surprising thing.

I am proud to be an American.

I know, I'm crazy. I go to Africa and I get all Lee Greenwood on you. But for all the things America stands for that I loathe (i.e. greed, selfishness, obesity, sloth - basically a majority of the 7 Deadly Sins), I truly am blessed to live here.

For one thing, I can have this blog and say whatever I want on it without the fear of someone hunting me down and cutting off my fingers. Seriously, some people don't have that "luxury". I can vote for whoever I want, again without fear of dismemberment. I can believe what I want, say what I want, learn what I want, do what I want, as long as it doesn't kill anybody.

And there are people who died to make that happen. There are people today still making tough choices to ensure that it stays that way. I don't always agree with those choices, but I have to believe that over all, whoever is in charge is doing the right thing, and that ultimately the Lord is in control. And that He put me in the United States of America for a reason.

Why I realized this in Kenya is a little difficult to explain. Obviously, the stark contrast to our freedoms here was a bit overwhelming. I get pissed here if my water smells too much of the chemicals that make it clean. Kenyan children walk up to 20 miles a day to get semi-clean-ish water. You think unemployment here is bad? Try 40% in Kenya. And violence? There are between 250,000-400,000 internally displaced people STILL living in tents in the Rift Valley after the election in 2007. (By the way, that range means they really have NO IDEA how many are out there.)

I never have to worry about that. But what I do have to worry about is why I don't have to worry about it. Is there a reason the good Lord (who really is good, by the way) put me here and not there? I think there is. I think we are blessed so that we can bless others. That is the only thing I can think of. That is what we are here for. And oh my, if Americans really lived up to what they are here for, the world would seriously be a better place. We can make the world a better place.

And I think we are trying. America sends billions and billions of dollars to third world countries. I think Bush sent 48 billion to Africa alone. Not to mention all of our philanthropists and missionaries who send not only money, but people and time, one of America's most beloved resources.

I won't keep going, but suffice it to say that as wicked as America and Americans can be, there is so much good here that we cannot overlook nor take for granted. We have one of the most organized governments in the world - so much so that a pothole doesn't even go unnoticed. A pothole. Have you ever driven in Africa??

Exhibit A.


Fixing a flat tire. This happens quite often.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this - especially from you non-Americans out there...what is your view on America vs. the "third world"? Are we "here" and others "there" for a reason?

and I'm back.

It is so hard to answer the questions, "So how was your trip to Africa?" The right words never seem to come. Hence, I'm not going to use any words for the time being. For now I will leave you with some photos that hopefully do justice to the wonder that is Africa, and the beauty of the people we were blessed to encounter. In the meantime I'll try and make my brain come up with words that will suffice...



















Photos by Stephen DeVries of Bedouins International.

Read some awesome stories and see more photos on the Bedouins Blog. Personal experiences coming soon!

Love,
Jessi

away i go...

So, the time has finally come: my first trip to the great continent of Africa! I am looking forward to an amazing adventure with this guy and with an amazing group of people who started the Kiini Sustainable Initiative. I'm going with Bedouins International to help capture and share their amazing story. (More project details are in last month's newsletter.) (Sorry for all the links, but I think it's better for you to go and read what they have to say rather than me try and cram it all together in one little blog post.)

I am so excited about this oppotunity. It's really gonna help them, you know? Media and marketing are so expensive to those who have a good story to tell, yet for some reason it comes totally free if disaster happens or some crazy monster kills thousands of people. I hate that. It's not right. Anyway, we're trying to change that. We want you to know about some good stuff too. Follow the Bedouins blog to keep up with our story in Kenya, and I'll be back May 7th to share some of my own experiences with you!

Keep growing,

Jessi

To all who are weary...

It might mean you have an iron deficiency. Yep. Too little hemoglobin. And did you know that you can't donate your blood if your hemoglobin is too low? Yep. You can't. I was bummed because I really wanted to save someone's life today.  I mean sure, I was a little terrified with the whole "let me suck your blood out" thing. A bit vampiric, yes. But it could save someone's life. How cool is that?

Then the nurse handed me a sheet of paper talking about why my hemoglobin might be so low (it basically told me I needed to eat better - Ramen Noodles do not give me the Iron I need) so that I could be prepared for next time. Now I know that I need to eat green leafy veggies, eggs and more meat. I am prepared for next time.

I wish life was that easy. I wish I could just eat some Popeye spinach and feel strong enough to face the world and fight off the bad guys. But I get tired. Sometimes everything hurts and I just want to stay in bed all. day. long. And it isn't an easy choice to get out of bed in the mornings. It's never easy to do something you don't want to do - even if it might save someone's life.


Paul actually wrote a letter to the Galatians back in the day about this exact matter. He said: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


I think they must have been getting tired too. And probably not because of an iron deficiency (though that may have been a component...) but because it wears you out to be good all the time. Because being good isn't just about giving a little blood - it is about giving everything you have. And it is tiring and painful and sometimes it breaks your heart. But it is worth it. Or at least, it will be.

That's what we're told anyway. And sweet Jesus I am trusting you to be faithful to that. Because I cannot do this whole "life" thing by myself. But what I can do is prepare myself for what is to come. I will eat my vegetables and poultry and hope that one day I am ready to save someone's life. If only I do not give up.

Photo Credit: Stephen DeVries

Love,
Jessi

one.day.at.a.time.

Yes.

So I was talking to my very wise mommy yesterday, and of course I was rambling about how I couldn't wait until this! and was so looking forward to this! oh my gosh and this! too.

And then she was like, "Chill. Out." Ok, she didn't really say it like that, but I'm translating for you.

I have got to stop looking forward to things that may or may not happen! I am blessed where I am right here and now. I mean it is wonderful to dream - so , so wonderful - but if I'm always looking forward, won't I miss everything that is happening right now?

And what a tragedy that would be.

Remember that "Happy List" I was making? Oh, did you forget about it too? Ha, no worries. Well, I started on it and only listed 2 things - 1) Beautiful house in the country (with a paragraph about where it would be and how it would look) 2) Adoring husband, blah blah blah. AND THAT'S AS FAR AS I GOT. Like those 2 things were going to make me the happiest person alive. Sweet Jesus.

But then I got a comment from a lovely lady (Hi Lori!) who suggested that rather than making a list of my dreams and then feeling bad about dreaming them, I could instead think about what I have now and appreciate them. Yes! One.day.at.a.time.

Ok. Here goes.

1) Perfect little apartment, very reasonalbly priced, in New York City.
2) Adoring boyfriend who loves me even in the grumpy morning time!! (and grumpy sleepy time, and grumpy hungry time...)
3) My dream job(s). I get to help people with their wedding, and help awesome humanitarians and missionaries tell their stories! Awesome!
4) Beautiful, sweet friends who encourage me and love me and tell me I am neat.
5) Wonderfully wise and supportive parents. They even throw a little cash my way when they find out I eat nothing but Ramen :)
6) Dreams. Yes, I will count them as a blessing. How wonderful to be able to dream, how wonderful that the Lord gives us dreams and wants and desires.

Let's just be sure to remember when those dreams come true, and not just ask for "More, please."

(p.s., I am counting this as my "accomplishment" for the week. :) )

Love,
Jessi

i hate fire.

It is literally my worst fear. I know, I know. We aren't supposed to fear...perfect loves casts it out and such. But really. I hate fire. It destroys and hurts and, well, it hurts. My parents had to go through it last year.

So anyway, here is my "experience" for the week:

I was at work yesterday when we heard this crazy explosion outside. I looked out my window to see smoke coming out of a grate and then this blue-green fire. Apparently, some guys were doing electrical work and a transformer ended up blowing. We heard an announcement to turn off all computers, and then eventually the electricity went out. We watched as firetrucks started pulling up and guys in big heavy suits started trying to put out the fire. About 20 minutes later we were evacuated from the building and told that due to the dangerous levels of carbon monoxide we couldn't come back until Thursday.

(photo by KFox)

See the Times Square Church sign? My office is the corner office 2 windows above the sign. Check out a news report and video of the fire here.

Anyway, I'm glad no one was seriously injured (and that I'm off of work today!) Hope you all had a wonderful Tuesday, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Love,
Jessi

happiness. a rip off.

So I'm totally ripping this post off of a friend of mine who wrote on happiness and what it means. (Like, if I get everything I've ever wanted I'll be happy. FALSE!)

Anyway, I was reading her post (which actually happened to be a rip off of Anthony de Mello's "The Way of Love" - but at least we gave credit where credit was due!) and it really moved something in me. I am always looking towards the future and how much happier I will be when I get married and when I have my own house and when I have a puppy. Happy happy happy!

But you know what? I also thought I would be happier if I got out of Birmingham, or got back together with my ex-boyfriend, or let my hair grow out. Silly, silly girl. I have all of that now, and what am I doing? Still looking for happiness. Because your circumstances and situations do not make you happy. Knowing who you were created to be, knowing that you have purpose in this world, knowing that you are loved by the creator of the universe (which, p.s., is kind of a big deal) - that is what can make you happy, if you let it.

So as Mr. de Mello suggests, I plan to do the following: "Make a list of all your attachments and desires and to each of them say these words: 'Deep down in my heart I know that even after I have got you I will not get happiness.' And ponder on the truth of those words."

He also said this awesome quotable: "The fulfillment of desire can, at the most, bring flashes of pleasure and excitement. Don’t mistake that for happiness."

Ok friends, I am off to list the meaningless attachments and desires I have so that I can then rebuke them. I dare you to join me.

Love,
Jessi


p.s. check out the rest of Jena's post here

some simple pleasures.

Hello my loves! Ok, now I must tell you about some things that have made me happy over the last couple of days.

1) Your comments! My goodness, how good it is to have friends. Even more so for friends that I have not met. Thank you so much for sharing your stories with me. I was so incredibly thrilled that so many of you decided to take part in sharing your experiences with me. Totally the highlight of my week. Here's hoping I can now keep up with my commitment to share my own experiences, pleasures and accomplishments with you!

2) A young Latino. Ok this is going to sound so racist. But let's be honest. I'm not racist. At all. (In fact, I'm still praying for a miraculous miracle that would allow me to have biracial babies if I marry a white guy.) So anyway. I was on the train the other day, and this old white lady sneezed, and then this young thug-tacular latino next to her looked at her with the kindest eyes and said "God bless you." That's it. I know it's crazy. But there was just something so beautiful about this big dude with his black yankees cap and mechanic's jumpsuit saying God bless you to this old lady in her khaki trenchcoat - I just melted.

3) I have tomorrow off. Praise the Lord. And I mean that, because He is the reason I get the day off :)

So those are a few of my "pleasures" for the week...and yours??? Experiences and accomplishments to come (I hope).

Love,
Jessi