dumper's remorse

is an evil thing. maybe this is too soon, but what the hay, i'm trying to let go of my pride.

here is what i have learned over the last few weeks. being the dumper in a serious relationship sucks for the obvious reasons - you have to break someone's heart, yada yada. but what people never seem to talk about is the real hurt - the part where he gets over you.

now, as the dumper that's really all you want in the beginning. you want him to move on, date someone else - STOP CALLING YOU for pete's sake. it's over, it's been over, it's done.

but then it's a few months later, and he's dating someone else. and she's pretty.

who said she could be pretty?
and wait, why haven't you called me today?

i mean really, no one ever told me that the dumper has to go through it all over again when the dumpee moves on. no one. so that is why i am here today my friends. GET READY. it blows.

now i'm thinking that surely it is normal for a dumper to have doubts about the dump when the dumpee decides to move on. because when a dumpee moves on, they pretty much die in the dumper's eyes. i mean literally, it feels like he died or something. you think you hate the way he still looks at you, the way he hugs you, the way he calls you and compliments you. just wait until he stops. if i had nads, this is probably what it would feel like to get kicked in them.

ugh, how incredibly selfish i am. are all dumpers like this? was there this strange upheaval in your world when your ex got over you?

of course, considering my ex is probably the only person who reads my blog i may never know. no wait - does he even read my blog anymore?!?

but you know, i am so glad to feel something. even if it feels like my guts are being sucked through a crazy straw, it is so good to know that i'm not a total heartless female dog. and so good to know that he is ok. and that i am going to be ok. because this is the way it was supposed to be all along. we needed this. as it turns out, i needed this more than he did.


and finally, there's closure.