i don't really know where to begin.

The last couple of weeks have been a bit mind (and soul) reeling. I would put them up there with the hardest of my short life. Suffice it to say I haven't been on here much because of that. I didn't really have words. I still don't, not really. And I hate not having words. It cuts me off from humanity.

I'm not getting married anymore; at least, not to who asked me first. Don't ask me why because I really don't have a good answer, and I think that's what makes it so hard. Because this guy is the kind of guy fairy tales are made from. But apparently it was not my fairy tale, because it just didn't feel right. And I can't tell you how important it is to feel right about this kind of thing.

So my life is going to be a bit different than I thought. But it is a good thing. It has to be. I mean, yes, I am 26 years old and will be moving back in with my parents in a month. I will be unemployed and in debt. But my heart feels completely right for the first time in a long time. It also hurts like hell, but somehow the hurting feels right too.

I intend to keep you posted on the healing process, and if anyone has any pointers on the whole mending a broken heart thing, I will gladly take them.