humans need to treat humans like humans.

i am so tired of people caring so much about themselves and their own feelings and their own pride that they sacrifice the feelings of others to keep themselves from getting hurt. 

what. the fuck. is that.

(and excuse my language in these last few posts kids. i do apologize. but i am so angry right now.)

what is so wrong with honesty? can i ask that? where did it go? when did all this silly game playing become reality for us? and more importantly, when did it become more important than telling the truth??

i was talking to one of my guy friends the other day, venting about this douche that i've been quasi-dating for the last 3 months, who suddenly stopped talking to me and will not respond to my texts (i've sent two in the last week) or my phone call (i've called once. i too have pride).

here's basically how it went (i'm giving you the edited version):

Friend: He say anything else?
Me: Nope. I don't get it.

Friend: I dont think theres anything to get honestly...i think hes doing this whole borderline aloof, borderline retarded, borderline flaky thing on purpose. In other words, he's being irrational on purpose.

(Insert me getting pissed off here.)

Friend: His reasons for doing that, I can think of 2:
1) He does like you and thinks this makes you like him more, he thinks its a winning strategy, probably does work with some girls
2) He doesn't like you and hes trying to let you off easy in a way where he doesn't have to say it you just get kinda tired of it basically
(Insert me thinking, "People actually think this way outside of high school? Wait, people actually think this way ever??)

Friend continues: Your approach should be ignore him back and make no effort unless he makes an effort to see you. And if he makes little non committal statements/pointless small talk that does not lead to any sort of plans for doing things and being in each others' presence, ignore those. Dont engage in conversation. Just to prove my application is right...
If its case 1) He likes you: showing confused desperate interest always wondering what he's gonna do next will only put you in a position were he will do it more. Basically you're putting him into the position to just sit on his ass and watch you squirm in confusion because somewhere he learned this was a good strategy. If case 1 is true then ignoring him will likely change the dynamic. He no longer has the power to sit on his ass as you make effort - he has to make the effort.
If it's case 2) He doesn't like you: well, you should just ignore him for obvious reasons.
So ignore him for about three weeks and see what happens.

Me: Yeah no three weeks is too long. I need closure now. I do not want to sit around any more and wait for him to call me. That will drive me crazy.

Friend: Don't call him. Go run.

Me: Ew.

Friend: How long has it been?
Me: Five days.

Friend: Yeah you can't call him yet. You'll look dumb.
Me: I don't like this game.

I don't like this game because this game is stupid and unnecessary. If you know that I like you, then why would you play this hurtful game to get me to keep liking you? Do you really think that works? More importantly, why, if you really do like me, would you ever intentionally hurt me?

And then, of course, there is that other yucky option. You don't like me. You've been lying to me. Then why can't you at least have the decency to tell me that? I at least deserve that.

And you know what? The part that really sucks is that I knew it wasn't gonna work. I knew it. I mean I wasn't ready to give up yet, cause I'm stubborn as hell. But if you would have just talked to me, like the human that I am, I would have understood, and maybe we would be friends. But now I am going to dislike you for the rest of my life and remember you as yet another douche on this planet who cares more about his ego than anything else. And that really sucks. Cause you promised you weren't a douche. You promised.


i hate this year.

i hate everything about it. i hate people who make me feel like shit. i hate that i live with my parents. i hate that i'm always broke and can't do anything about it. i hate that there is nothing i want to do. i hate this town. i hate feeling. i hate everything. and i hate that i hate everything. i fucking hate it.