i cannot talk so i shall WRITE!

I know, crazy, I'm blogging. It seems I've been a bit sidetracked lately, what with GETTING ENGAGED and all. I apologize. I also have this strange throat sickness that left me unmotivated to do anything but lay in bed all day (literally. 14 hours.) and watch Veronica Mars. I am now on Season 3 and I [heart] Logan. (Don't tell Stephen.)

So yeah because of the throat sickness I lost my voice. I now have that sexy phlegmy man voice that made Phoebe a rock star.

Anyway, this whole getting engaged thing has been a roller coaster. I feel like a grown up, or at least that I 'm supposed to be a grown up. There are all of these new and terrifying questions. Like, I have a fancy ring on my finger for the first time ever - should I be getting manicures now too? And, apparently setting our wedding date also means we have set the consummation date - does this mean I have to go to the GYNO?!?

Ugh, growing up is scaaaarryy.

It's worse than ball pits.

And clowns.

(I know, right?!?)


But you know, there's also the fun and exciting part. I mean, I have a fancy ring on my finger, and hello, consummation here I come! But let's get real here kids. Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the scary parts too? I feel like I am the only bride-to-be ever who has ever been scared ever of getting married and growing up. I mean I love my fiancee. And I love my life. But is it ok to be scared? Or I guess what I'm really trying to say is, am I evil for seeing a scary side too?


  1. Hello Jessi. Don't be scared. Marriage is fun! :)

    But it is OK to be scared.

    Forget the manicures.

    Go to the gyno. It's really not so bad, and you'll feel very relieved to have the oh-so-scary first time behind you.

    You don't have to suddenly morph into a "grown-up." What is a grown-up anyway? Just be yourself, let Stephen be himself, and you'll grow together. Whether the direction you grow is "up" or not doesn't really matter. You'll be fine :)

  2. Finally, a bride-to-be I can actually relate to! I. Was. Terrified about getting married. And it drove me crazy that I never heard about this "fear" from other friends. I felt like I was a big weirdo because all anyone ever talked about was the bliss and the excitement and the awesomeness of it all. But I felt scared. It's a big commitment. It's a whole new life. And while I loved my fiance (now husband) completely, I wondered if I'd still love him when it came to sharing a bathroom and a bed and paying bills together and all that jazz. Plus, it didn't help matters that I HATE change, and getting married was one big ol' change.

    It's okay that you're scared, but when you're with the right person and the Lord has His hand upon your marriage, all things will work out together for good. I won't lie, that first year is a doozy, but that's OKAY. It will be a time of growth and maturing for both of you. And you'll grow closer because of it.

    2 years after getting married, I'm STILL scared about "growing up". And I'm pretty much a grown up NOW. I just keep giving those fears to the Lord, knowing He'll be in charge of every transition I go through. I do understand your trepidation. Hugs to you, lady!

  3. Hi there
    I'm Katherine and I've been following your blog for a while now (and I really like it :) .

    I have to say - I feel somewhat releived to hear you're feeling a bit scared. My two best friends have just got engaged to eachother and they arn't worried at all and can't wait to be married (in only 5 months!) but I'm scared and it's not even me!

    It's such a huge change I think its normal to be a bit scared - your life is changing and its amazing and different and scary all at once I imagine.

    Hang in there - my sister has been married for two years now and LOVES it.... but I was her bridesmaid and saw how scared she was before she got married :)

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all.
    You're welcome to read some of mine too ok? ( http://raindowntruth.blogspot.com/ )

    Blessings to you! - Katherine

    P.S you're also not the only one that is scared and excited all at once about the whole consummation thing. Yikes!

  4. Okay, your post got me thinking so much, I wrote my own post about marriage and growing up and the scariness of it all. You are THAT inspiring. ;)

  5. Thanks ladies (and Keith)! Good to know I am not alone :)

  6. First off, I love your blog, Jessi! And I know I was kinda late reading this one, but yes, it is scary. But after all the scary stuff, it's kinda wonderful. For me, the wedding planning was the WORST! But I know that will be a breeze for you and your creative self. Just think, when it's all over you get to spend forever with the love of your life and then it's not so scary...until your parents start asking for grandchildren...

  7. Congratulations!!!!! Came across your blog randomly... wedding planning does suck but just keep your eye on the prize - life together forever with your best friend versus how to make the big day memorable (it will have its ups and downs). As for the gyno, skip it - overrated, you'll be fine if it's first time. Good luck!