to go or not to go

Oh what a predicament. I have been presented with the opportunity of a lifetime: to study abroad in New Zealand. Well, it isn't completely accurate to say I was presented with it. Its more like I wanted to go so I've been in the process of filling out paperwork, getting money, etc. I was so excited about it. Honestly I was so ready to get out of Auburn, to get out of my routine, and to try something new. I was going to live in New Zealand for four months, make wonderful friends, take wonderful pictures. But alas, it has turned out to be one of the most stressful choices of my life. I even have a fever blister now. I hate fever blisters. They hurt like the dickens. Yes I just wrote dickens. Back to the point, I barely have enough money to go and I do not want to be worrying about money the enntire time I'm there. Thats ridiculous. Not to mention the fact that when I get back I'll have to be working a lot to make up for it. I don't like that either. There's also this insurance problem...it won't be effective until July so I have to get Alfa to send me a letter in a couple of weeks when I get approved to say that i will be covered on such and such a date.
Another thing I don't like is that the entire reason I wanted to go isn't looking so appealing any more. I wanted to get out of Auburn and try something new, but when faced with the realization that I really won't be here for four months if I go, I feel uneasy. I don't really want to leave these people. Everything will be so different when I get back, and I won't be a part of it. Half of the people probably won't even know me.
But then again, I want to go. I want to live in another country and make new friends and take breathtaking pictures of God's creation. But it scares the hell out of me. Lets just be honest. I 'll be in a place I've never been before with people I've never met before, at a school that is very different from Auburn. I mean maybe the timing is off. Maybe I should just go there for a couple of weeks in the summer. That would save me money, i wouldn't have to work my butt off when I got back, and I would still get my adventure. Maybe I could also take that cross-country road trip I've been wanting to do. Not going really would allow me to do more things and have more time in the long run. And plus, I wouldn't have to worry so much about getting a full-time job to pay off all of the loans when I graduate...I could do more travelling then too.
But then would I regret not going for the rest of my life? I don't want any regrets. I want to live my life with boldness. I don't want to choose to stay because I'm too scared to choose to go. So do I go or not?

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