unexpected tragedy, unexpectedly ok.

So. My parents house burned down. The house I grew up in, spent my "formative" years in. It is gone. The few things we could salvage fit in a plastic tub. I am with my parents now, helping them clean up and move to their new temporary home.

This kind of thing really takes you by surprise. I saw the house for the first time yesterday, and from the outside everything really looks fine for the most part. But then you walk in and everything you remember is either black, broken or gone all together.

As completely unexpected as it was though, what is even more strange is the fact that I am not falling to pieces. And neither are my parents. It is just stuff really. The hardest part is losing Rudy and Miss Kitty.

Rudy Toot

Miss Kitty (Should have gone by Princess Kitty)

We are going to be ok. We have insurance. We are going to rebuild. It will look different, but it will be home again. And hey, if the insurance comes through like it should, we may even be able to pay off the mortage and be debt free. That would truly be a blessing to my parents.

Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying. We needed a miracle, and I think one is coming.

Love you all so much,
Jessi

I wish I was good at sports.

Many of you can probably relate (then again a lot of you won't) but it makes me so jealous to see those cute little girls with their cute little stretchy shirts and shorts, goin out for a nice little jog, bein all outdoorsy and such. I wish I was more like that sometimes.

I'll even put on some little shorts and a little shirt and have my go around the block. I mean it looks so fun when those other girls are doing it. And then I start wheezing about four steps into it and wonder how in the world I thought this would be fun.

I've decided this kind of endurance surely starts at a young age. I remember when I was 10 or 11 I could run around all afternoon and it felt great. But then towards 8th grade year things begin to change. I actually remember when it happened for me.

It was 7th grade, I was playing soccer at school during P.E. And I was a total beast. I mean I even had the great Alisha Hamrick scared of me. I so wanted to try out for soccer; I thought I could actually be good at this sport (I had failed miserably at most others). So I asked my friends which if them were trying out. None of them were. Not one. So neither did I.

I stayed in concert band. For the next 6 years. I loved it, but I still regret not trying out for soccer.

FYI Alisha Hamrick was voted MVP for women's soccer when we were in High School. I kept playing my clarinet. I'm pretty sure she got a scholarship of some sort. I haven't touched my clarinet in 7 years.

Let that be a lesson to us all. If you want to try something out, DO IT, or else you may regret it for the rest of your life.

I am ashamed of many things.

I am ashamed of the way I talked to a homeless man outside of my solid, warm doorway
and cut short not only his words, but his dignity.

I am ashamed of my apparent inability to love outside the lines of my head,
the place that "knows" those who deserve a love given to me for free.

I am ashamed of my brothers who take my baby sisters
and turn them into prostitutes, control freaks and liars.

I am ashamed of my fathers who feel the right to persecute and even hate
the red, yellow, black and brown side of my big beautiful family.

I am ashamed of my co-workers who claim to shout to God,
but rather whisper secrets of so-called truths in the ears of strangers.

I am ashamed of so many things.

But I am not ashamed of You.

I am not ashamed of You who said "Get up! Pick up your mat and WALK!"

So now how do I reconcile this discrepancy between my sorrowful shame and my unabashed love for You?

I will tell you what I will do.

I will give you my shame.

I will give you my brothers' shame and my sisters' shame and my fathers', co-workers', husbands' and daughters' shame.

I will give it all to you. Because you are not like me.

Because with you all things are possible.

With You, the broken are healed, the chained set free, and the dead are resurrected.

And with my shame you will purify, sanctify, rectify and nullify.

So that this thing called shame I once gave to you - well, I can take it back now under a new name.

It shall be called grace.



I tell you the truth -
From this day, I walk not in shame. From this day, I walk in GRACE.

Bedouins T-shirt Drive

Hello friends. I thought you would like to know that Bedouins International is having t-shirt drive - meaning, for every 5 shirts you send them, they will send you one back screened with the Bedouins logo. Super cool idea, I know.

The other 4 shirts will be sold to raise money for upcoming projects in Kenya, Honduras, Bolivia, and Gauatemala.

You can get the shirts from the thrift store or wherever you want, just make sure thy are in your size.

Send them to 1710 2nd Ave N #501 Birmingham, AL 35203

For more info e-mail me at jessi@bedouinsinternational.org and be sure to keep up with the Bedouins Blog for fun pics and stories!

Thanks!!

i am such a perfectionist

ok after reading back over that last blog i realize yet again what a perfectionist i am.

yes, we are called to love, but i also know that there is grace when we mess up.

man i need to stop being so serious all of the time.

"and you'll know we are Christians by our love"

Well, you should. But I mean really, how often do you hear someone say,"Wow that guy was so loving to that homeless person. He must be a Christian!"

Yeah that never happens. I so rarely see Christians acting out in selfless love it's scary. I see judgment and selfishness all the time though. And I am so sick of it. If Christians are followers of Christ, why don't they look like it 99% of the time?

Now there are those few out there that get it, but they are so few.

It is so hard to love like Him. It is so hard to be patient, kind, humble, selfless, understanding, forgiving, protective, trusting, hopeful, and persevering in every action I take and with every person I meet.

But that is how Christians are supposed to love. That is how we are supposed to love everyone.

And how do we know if we are loving the way we are supposed to? Because it never falls short. It never comes to nothing. It never founders or goes amiss. It never breaks down or disappoints.

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

I’ve been reading 1 John lately. I think it my favorite book of the entire Bible, if such a thing can exist. It has such heart-piercing statements as “Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did” and “No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” And then the heart-changing statements like “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” and then “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in Him?”

He challenges us to love others, because if we do not love our brothers, who we can see, touch, hear feel, then how will we ever be able to love God, who we cannot see, touch hear feel (in the typical sense)?

I have realized lately that I suck at loving people. Which is a scary thought, because if I can’t love people how will I ever love God? I have heard it said that to truly love someone you must fully know them. Well then is it ever possible to love God, because I most certainly will never fully know him.

I guess there will have to be more on this later...

let's think about this...

would the man of your dreams be the man of your dreams if you could actually dream him up?