3.11.2010
dude man i'm famous.
Ok not quite. And I really hope that I never am. But my blog is up on bloginterviewer.com. Check it out. You can even vote for me and make me feel better about myself if you want.
3.10.2010
the subway.
the subway is a new experience for me, now living in new york city. it is the one and only place i've ever been where personal space is not allowed. i love it.
3.08.2010
that's what it's all about.
And I am not talking about the Hokey Pokey my friends (though that is quite a worthy subject). I was inspired about some of the things my new friends were saying on the previous post about grace, and really wanted to touch on, well, a very touchy subject.
Church.
How many of you have been hurt by The Church? (I use its proper noun form when I mean the people who make up what we call The Church, not the building itself of course. Unless a church fell on you, or you tripped over an old rug and bumped your head and got a concussion...ok I digress...) Anyway, I'm being serious here. Who is mad at The Church?
Ok I'll start. I am.
Can I vent for a second? I hate it when churches invest millions of dollars in fancy chairs and a fancy stage and other things that don't seem too important WHEN THERE ARE STARVING PEOPLE OUTSIDE THEIR DOOR. Now I do understand wanting the House of God to be warm and welcoming, and even beautiful (I mean, ancient Jewish temples were immaculate, but in a good way usually. They lived in reverence to God and wanted His House to be the most beautiful place they entered...but of course there is a fine line between revering God and merely trying to please Him [remember grace?] but that's a whole different story.)
So that's part I do hate. The selfish, striving, "I'm right and you're wrong" kind of attitude.
But that isn't why I go to church every Sunday.
Yesterday I went to this great little church in East Harlem. The worship team might not have made it too far on American Idol, but they loved the Lord, and they sang to Him. Everyone was dancing and shouting and praying out loud. And smiling.
I looked over to my right and saw a woman leaning against the wall. She was obviously not feeling too good, and kept rubbing her neck - it looked like she had some back pain. I saw a woman in the row in front of me get up and go over to her and start rubbing her shoulders and talking to her. She kept rubbing her shoulders for a while. That other woman started smiling.
That's what it's all about my friends.
Like I've said many times before, people screw up. And unfortunately, people have given The Church, and Christ himself, a bad name. But you don't go to church because of those people. You go to church to worship the one who made you, and to love those whom He made.
I encourage you to find a place where these people are - people who love the Lord and people you can relate to. People you can find fellowship and friendship with. I promise they are out there. And it has made all the difference in the world to me.
Love,
Jessi
Church.
How many of you have been hurt by The Church? (I use its proper noun form when I mean the people who make up what we call The Church, not the building itself of course. Unless a church fell on you, or you tripped over an old rug and bumped your head and got a concussion...ok I digress...) Anyway, I'm being serious here. Who is mad at The Church?
Ok I'll start. I am.
Can I vent for a second? I hate it when churches invest millions of dollars in fancy chairs and a fancy stage and other things that don't seem too important WHEN THERE ARE STARVING PEOPLE OUTSIDE THEIR DOOR. Now I do understand wanting the House of God to be warm and welcoming, and even beautiful (I mean, ancient Jewish temples were immaculate, but in a good way usually. They lived in reverence to God and wanted His House to be the most beautiful place they entered...but of course there is a fine line between revering God and merely trying to please Him [remember grace?] but that's a whole different story.)
So that's part I do hate. The selfish, striving, "I'm right and you're wrong" kind of attitude.
But that isn't why I go to church every Sunday.
Yesterday I went to this great little church in East Harlem. The worship team might not have made it too far on American Idol, but they loved the Lord, and they sang to Him. Everyone was dancing and shouting and praying out loud. And smiling.
I looked over to my right and saw a woman leaning against the wall. She was obviously not feeling too good, and kept rubbing her neck - it looked like she had some back pain. I saw a woman in the row in front of me get up and go over to her and start rubbing her shoulders and talking to her. She kept rubbing her shoulders for a while. That other woman started smiling.
That's what it's all about my friends.
Like I've said many times before, people screw up. And unfortunately, people have given The Church, and Christ himself, a bad name. But you don't go to church because of those people. You go to church to worship the one who made you, and to love those whom He made.
I encourage you to find a place where these people are - people who love the Lord and people you can relate to. People you can find fellowship and friendship with. I promise they are out there. And it has made all the difference in the world to me.
Love,
Jessi
2.26.2010
what is grace anyway?
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
-Gal 5:13
I love this verse. I love it because it taught me a very valuable lesson.
I grew up thinking that churches suck. God is good, men are hypocrites. And in a way, sadly, I was right. Many times, Christians do not live up to the Christ they follow. Because of that, I did (and still do sometimes) have a hard time calling myself a Christian. I do not want to be one of those people with the Jesus sticker on their car who flips off the guy who is driving too slow.
Anyway. I found myself going from one extreme to the other. I didn't want to suck. I wanted to be good. I would strive to be good, to be the girl I was supposed to be. I didn't want to disappoint Him.
But here's the deal kids: we do not have the power to take ourselves out of the love of God. You don't even have to believe in God for Him to love you. I mean, He kind of is love. That's just how He rolls.
So then I had this beautiful revelation of grace - this love that we do not deserve, but that we are entitled to just for being the children of God, followers of Christ. Because in case you don't know about this Jesus dude, He is actually God who came down as man and said "Hey, I know there is this law that says if you sin against God, you have to be removed from Him, which is the equivalent of death, but God doesn't like being away from you. So, what I'm gonna do is take your place. If you will just accept me and this sacrifice I am making for you, you will never have to be removed from God. He can be with you always."
Awesome deal right? Yes. So Jesus dies and leaves His spirit to take His place and give us guidance...but then we start going to extremes again. We say, "Sweet, we can do whatever we want and know that we are forgiven because we can just pull the Jesus card and be forgiven! Yay for grace!"
Well crap, that can't be right either. Grace can't be an excuse to do whatever you want.
You see, the thing that really happened when Jesus came down and took our place was this: He opened up the door and allowed you to know God more intimately by leaving us all with the Holy Spirit which He left when his body died. Grace does not mean the law does not exist, it just means that the law is now "written on our hearts" (check out Jeremiah 31:31-34 and 2 Cor 3). We can know God (to a certain extent) and if we know Him, we can love Him. And if we love Him, we obey Him. Because to obey the Lord of creation is GOOD.
Am I making sense here? Grace does not entitle us to do what we want, it just gives us the freedom to know God and to love love love. Because that is why we are here. To love.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." -2 Cor 3:17-18
Churches don't have to suck. Yeah we are human and we mess up, and grace does say that we are forgiven, that we are not bound by rules and legalistic attidudes (i.e. like the Pharisees), but what the Lord says is still true too. He is still God. And we still need to love Him. And to love Him is to love His people, His children - who also happen to be your brothers and sisters if you think about it. Let's be a family again guys.
Love,
Jessi
-Gal 5:13
I love this verse. I love it because it taught me a very valuable lesson.
I grew up thinking that churches suck. God is good, men are hypocrites. And in a way, sadly, I was right. Many times, Christians do not live up to the Christ they follow. Because of that, I did (and still do sometimes) have a hard time calling myself a Christian. I do not want to be one of those people with the Jesus sticker on their car who flips off the guy who is driving too slow.
Anyway. I found myself going from one extreme to the other. I didn't want to suck. I wanted to be good. I would strive to be good, to be the girl I was supposed to be. I didn't want to disappoint Him.
But here's the deal kids: we do not have the power to take ourselves out of the love of God. You don't even have to believe in God for Him to love you. I mean, He kind of is love. That's just how He rolls.
So then I had this beautiful revelation of grace - this love that we do not deserve, but that we are entitled to just for being the children of God, followers of Christ. Because in case you don't know about this Jesus dude, He is actually God who came down as man and said "Hey, I know there is this law that says if you sin against God, you have to be removed from Him, which is the equivalent of death, but God doesn't like being away from you. So, what I'm gonna do is take your place. If you will just accept me and this sacrifice I am making for you, you will never have to be removed from God. He can be with you always."
Awesome deal right? Yes. So Jesus dies and leaves His spirit to take His place and give us guidance...but then we start going to extremes again. We say, "Sweet, we can do whatever we want and know that we are forgiven because we can just pull the Jesus card and be forgiven! Yay for grace!"
Well crap, that can't be right either. Grace can't be an excuse to do whatever you want.
You see, the thing that really happened when Jesus came down and took our place was this: He opened up the door and allowed you to know God more intimately by leaving us all with the Holy Spirit which He left when his body died. Grace does not mean the law does not exist, it just means that the law is now "written on our hearts" (check out Jeremiah 31:31-34 and 2 Cor 3). We can know God (to a certain extent) and if we know Him, we can love Him. And if we love Him, we obey Him. Because to obey the Lord of creation is GOOD.
Am I making sense here? Grace does not entitle us to do what we want, it just gives us the freedom to know God and to love love love. Because that is why we are here. To love.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." -2 Cor 3:17-18
Churches don't have to suck. Yeah we are human and we mess up, and grace does say that we are forgiven, that we are not bound by rules and legalistic attidudes (i.e. like the Pharisees), but what the Lord says is still true too. He is still God. And we still need to love Him. And to love Him is to love His people, His children - who also happen to be your brothers and sisters if you think about it. Let's be a family again guys.
Love,
Jessi
2.16.2010
meet me in montauk.
Have you ever seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Surely you have. Ok well since that movie I have always wanted to visit this little place called Montauk. It's a beach town on the tip of Long Island. In the movie, the main characters meet in Montauk and there's snow and it's just beautiful. I finally got to go! I brought along my trusty holga with a roll of slide film (I got it cross processed - hence the funky colors on some of them) and a roll of 15-year-expired film that Stephen and I found in an abandoned house. Yeah. Awesome. (The ones with the black borders are the expired film; the ones that have the Fuji negative borders are the cross processed chrome film.)
I went with my friends Stephen, Taylor, Philip, and my new roommate Mandy. The beach still had some snow on it, and around the bend there was a rocky shoreline with even more snow - so beautiful!
Then of course we found a little frozen puddle/pond (did I mention it was freezing! seriously, like 3 degrees or something) and we did a little ice skating. Or sliding rather. I just kind of scooted though (awesome video of this here).
And then my favorite part - the lighthouse!
This was seriously such a fun trip. Thanks to this guy for scanning and editing my film. (You can see more awesome photos by following that link as well :) )It is good to spend good time with good friends. Take more time to do that.
Love,
Jessi
2.05.2010
hurting those you love the most.
Do you do this too? Why?
I find it so much easier to hurt the people I love the most. How silly that it's the people I would gladly give my life for are the ones who receive my wrath more often than anyone else - or instead of anyone else.
I guess I assume they will always forgive me? But even so, why hurt them? When you love someone, aren't you supposed to will their highest good, and then help them achieve that good? So why instead do I insist on speaking out of anger and saying whatever it is that I am thinking when I KNOW it will hurt this person deeply? That is not love my friends. Not love.
But really is it just me or is anyone out there feeling like me too? Do I have another broken piece in my brain that forgets to tell me when I am saying awful things that no one should have to hear, especially the person that I love and who somehow loves me too even though I am the way that I am. I mean if anything, that person is demonstrating true love - being able to forgive constantly and love unconditionally. That's what Jesus teaches after all.
Ok I'm just ranting now. I just want to know how to fix it. I do not want to be the greatest source of pain for someone to whom I am supposed to be the greatest source of joy (second to the Lord, of course). But this is like a life-long struggle. So what do I do?
I find it so much easier to hurt the people I love the most. How silly that it's the people I would gladly give my life for are the ones who receive my wrath more often than anyone else - or instead of anyone else.
I guess I assume they will always forgive me? But even so, why hurt them? When you love someone, aren't you supposed to will their highest good, and then help them achieve that good? So why instead do I insist on speaking out of anger and saying whatever it is that I am thinking when I KNOW it will hurt this person deeply? That is not love my friends. Not love.
But really is it just me or is anyone out there feeling like me too? Do I have another broken piece in my brain that forgets to tell me when I am saying awful things that no one should have to hear, especially the person that I love and who somehow loves me too even though I am the way that I am. I mean if anything, that person is demonstrating true love - being able to forgive constantly and love unconditionally. That's what Jesus teaches after all.
Ok I'm just ranting now. I just want to know how to fix it. I do not want to be the greatest source of pain for someone to whom I am supposed to be the greatest source of joy (second to the Lord, of course). But this is like a life-long struggle. So what do I do?
1.22.2010
In the city.
Ok kids, it's time for the big update from New York! I am just now getting internet access, so sorry for the delay in communication.
I am living in this adorable apartment in Riverdale (SW Bronx) - pics coming soon - and I love it. For you Birminghamians, think Highlands area except New York style. A few blocks walk will take you to a "downtown" area where you can find a grocery store, CVS, and every type of ethnic food I could need (Mexican, Thai, Japanese, Sushi, Chinese, Italian, etc) all on one street!! Add streets of gold and I'm sure this is what heaven must be like.
I started my first week of work as well. I still don't have a desk or anything, but I've been getting acquainted with the people around me and what I'll be doing. Yeah I'm gonna be busy. Stephen, Taylor and 2 others are working on expanding the media for the missions department of Times Square Church. I am working as the "Project Manager" and will be connecting the missions logistic-heads with the media creative-heads. I am looking forward to being in a place where God has given me the skills to excel and be challenged at the same time.
I can't wait to share my stories with you! Stay tunes for more updates and lovely NY photos! (To see more of Stephen's photos, click here.)
love, jessi
I am living in this adorable apartment in Riverdale (SW Bronx) - pics coming soon - and I love it. For you Birminghamians, think Highlands area except New York style. A few blocks walk will take you to a "downtown" area where you can find a grocery store, CVS, and every type of ethnic food I could need (Mexican, Thai, Japanese, Sushi, Chinese, Italian, etc) all on one street!! Add streets of gold and I'm sure this is what heaven must be like.
I started my first week of work as well. I still don't have a desk or anything, but I've been getting acquainted with the people around me and what I'll be doing. Yeah I'm gonna be busy. Stephen, Taylor and 2 others are working on expanding the media for the missions department of Times Square Church. I am working as the "Project Manager" and will be connecting the missions logistic-heads with the media creative-heads. I am looking forward to being in a place where God has given me the skills to excel and be challenged at the same time.
I can't wait to share my stories with you! Stay tunes for more updates and lovely NY photos! (To see more of Stephen's photos, click here.)
love, jessi
1.13.2010
And then there's that.
There is so much going on right now. SO much. And you know, I would really like to share those things with you, but I just don't even know where to start.
Ok let's start here. My good friend Roger is in Haiti right now. He landed in Port Au Prince hours before the earthquake hit. I can't be worried. We haven't heard anything from him, but I cannot worry. It just isn't in me. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but I literally don't even think there is a reason to worry. Is there something wrong with me? Is it a defense mechanism my heart puts up so that I don't have to think about the unimaginable? I dunno, but it's working.
He's probably there entertaining the scared kids. That is what he does, what he's good at. That's what he is there for anyway. To serve the people, especially the kids. Maybe his timing was, in fact, perfect. I just wish he could call us to let us know that.
And then there's New York. Did I tell you I was moving to New York? Yeah, on Saturday. This Saturday. Crazy. But again, no worry or apprehension, it's just right. It's normal, natural. I think maybe I am broken.
I mean I am human right?!? Isn't it our job to worry like all the time? Ok, I know it is good not to worry, that God calls us not to worry even, but is that ever really possible? What does it mean if you don't ever worry? Does that mean I don't care as much as other people? It's kinda starting to freak me out man.
On a side note, That 70s Show makes me feel better about life. If you are having a bad day, just watch the whole first season. No worries there for sure.
p.s. I just realized I am starting to worry about never worrying. Maybe I am human after all.
Ok let's start here. My good friend Roger is in Haiti right now. He landed in Port Au Prince hours before the earthquake hit. I can't be worried. We haven't heard anything from him, but I cannot worry. It just isn't in me. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but I literally don't even think there is a reason to worry. Is there something wrong with me? Is it a defense mechanism my heart puts up so that I don't have to think about the unimaginable? I dunno, but it's working.
He's probably there entertaining the scared kids. That is what he does, what he's good at. That's what he is there for anyway. To serve the people, especially the kids. Maybe his timing was, in fact, perfect. I just wish he could call us to let us know that.
And then there's New York. Did I tell you I was moving to New York? Yeah, on Saturday. This Saturday. Crazy. But again, no worry or apprehension, it's just right. It's normal, natural. I think maybe I am broken.
I mean I am human right?!? Isn't it our job to worry like all the time? Ok, I know it is good not to worry, that God calls us not to worry even, but is that ever really possible? What does it mean if you don't ever worry? Does that mean I don't care as much as other people? It's kinda starting to freak me out man.
On a side note, That 70s Show makes me feel better about life. If you are having a bad day, just watch the whole first season. No worries there for sure.
p.s. I just realized I am starting to worry about never worrying. Maybe I am human after all.
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