2.05.2010

hurting those you love the most.

Do you do this too? Why?

I find it so much easier to hurt the people I love the most. How silly that it's the people I would gladly give my life for are the ones who receive my wrath more often than anyone else - or instead of anyone else.

I guess I assume they will always forgive me? But even so, why hurt them? When you love someone, aren't you supposed to will their highest good, and then help them achieve that good? So why instead do I insist on speaking out of anger and saying whatever it is that I am thinking when I KNOW it will hurt this person deeply? That is not love my friends. Not love.

But really is it just me or is anyone out there feeling like me too? Do I have another broken piece in my brain that forgets to tell me when I am saying awful things that no one should have to hear, especially the person that I love and who somehow loves me too even though I am the way that I am. I mean if anything, that person is demonstrating true love - being able to forgive constantly and love unconditionally. That's what Jesus teaches after all.

Ok I'm just ranting now. I just want to know how to fix it. I do not want to be the greatest source of pain for someone to whom I am supposed to be the greatest source of joy (second to the Lord, of course). But this is like a life-long struggle. So what do I do?

13 comments:

  1. Ask and you shall receive2/5/10, 9:07 AM

    "He who guards his lips guards his soul"

    I ONLY lash out against those I'm comfortable with. It's a sign that you can be completely uninhibited around someone. Unconditional love allows us to lower our defenses and to act without thinking.

    When we say things out of anger or hurt, we're simply being selfish. The fantastic thing is, our friends and loved ones KNOW who we really are and can see this anger for what it is.

    ReplyDelete
  2. everyone alway hurts people we love by mistake..
    you know that u've done it and u don't like
    it's always good to know urself.... it's always good to know what u want to change .....

    Learning from ur mistake that's life :)
    and i'm sure that when people that u've hurted know that u're sorry ....
    they always forgive u ...

    people always hurt each other ...
    that's why we have the word "forgive"

    Nice to meet u... and glad to know u more in the future :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was quite unpleasant to my other half today and said things I shouldn't have said....it was over something silly , like spilt milk....sometimes I wonder how he puts up with me. I'm very lucky to have him....I think we could all do better in terms of forgiving people and being more tolerant in general

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Jessi the reason I love reading your blog is cos of your honesty. Seriously, after reading some blogs you come away with a sense that "oh, they are so righteous - don't they EVER stuff up??" It's more motivating to read something honest; to know I'm not the only one out there struggling with this. The solution: to mend the brokeness in ALL of us. Only Jesus can do that and we will only be totally mended once we get to heaven. My favourite promise is "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." He IS working in us even though we might not see it. At least we're becoming very humble after appoligizing for the ...th time! lol.
    Loz

    ReplyDelete
  5. Someone always gets hurt eventually as a result of our actions...I know how you feel, I'm experiencing it too often, I'm afraid, but honestly, you can't always avoid id. Sometimes I realize the consequences of my actions while I'm performing them, but I don't know when to stop, or how to mend the situation so I don't do anything...I don't have a solution, I'm always trying to make up for what I did because most of the time I'm simply not wise enough to avoid it. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I'm sure that those people that matter the most to you love you just as much as you love them and they'll accept you with or without your mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the thoughts guys and girls...it's so good to know someone can relate! And you know, I think it's ok not to have an answer - sometimes the best thing is just getting it out there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I fully comprehend and can relate. I am no exception. God bless you for looking inside your heart, and for recognizing this. Just being able to look at, and recognize, our faults is a step in the right direction.

    Nice blog!

    http://z10.invisionfree.com/Journey_Back_in_Time

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey there, I just happened to stumble across your blog. I love this post because I have felt these very same feelings so many times. It's so frustrating to think that we almost feel entitled to treat the ones we love the most with the least respect sometimes. When that happens, sometimes the only thing TO DO is bring it to the Lord and ask for His help. Thanks for posting this!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I always treat my loved ones like crap and am very aware of it, I think it comes down to taking them for granted. We really don't know a good thing till it's gone. I guess we are so used to always having them there that we feel they will forever be there. Also, our family will not judge us like our friends - and we therefore take advantage of this via mistreatment. It sucks right!

    x Jessica

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Wren! At least I'm one step closer I guess :)

    Sue, I'm glad you can relate - sometimes being able to relate is the only way I can deal...

    And Jessica, how bad do we suck for taking those we love for granted?!? gah. I wish I could tell them every day how they make my life better, not worse. I am just too human I guess...

    yay for these comments! They have made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is a very powerful blog....I have had personal experience with this and when you have to mend those bridges again it can be one of the hardest life lessons but also helps to make you stronger. Look forward to reading more

    ReplyDelete
  12. Is there anything like a group discount for that broken piece in the brain. I guess we all need it (every person). Same as above, powerful blog.Sincere.

    Greetings from Argentina....

    ReplyDelete
  13. I do this too. I was actually talking to my mum about it yesterday.

    ReplyDelete