6.24.2006

motivation

So I haven't written in a while. I hate that. I like to write. I want to write, but somehow, somewhere, I lost my motivation. What motivates you? What motivates me? What used to make me get up at 8:00 in the morning so that I would have time before class to go to Taylor's and read and write? Whatever it was, it's gone now. And I want it back.

Maybe frustration is stopping me. Frustration from my inability to clearly articualte my thoughts, my real thoughts. I can't get out in words the jumbled mess that has taken up residence in my mind. I can't get it out and that is frustrating. I want to be able to express what I think and feel. I want to be understood, but it seems like everytime I have something to say, I have no way to say it. Or maybe I'm frustrated because I don't finish what I start. Like remember that book I was writing? Yeah definitely haven't gotten too far on that. Practically nowhere. Again, I thought I had something worth saying, worth sharing with other people. I think everyone has a story worth sharing, and I really wanted to share mine. But it's just not happening.

And I want to play guitar more. I used to play everyday. Man I remember before I went to New Zealand I said I was going to write everyday and read and play guitar - like New Zealand was going to inspire me with its immense beauty, like I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to express myself creatively because of the creation around me. But instead I was nervous in my new surroundings, desperately trying to make new freinds and find my way around a new city/country/hemisphere. There was not much writing (but there was actually a lot of reading - I read all six of the Harry Potters, plus some Jane Austen, Nicholas Sparks, John Steinbeck, and Lord of the Rings).

So back to my point. Where did my motivation go? Is it hiding behind my "busy" schedule (which somehow still leaves time for hours of Gilmore Girls)? I think it's buried under my excuses. Like "I'm tired" or "I'll do it later" or "I have to finish this first." If I want to do it I'll do it. Motivation stems from passion and if I am really passionate about writing and studying the word of God then I will do it. There will be my motivation. It is a choice. It is a conscious effort. So there.

4 comments:

  1. HEY JESSI-Wessi!! (Kiwi -- on behalf of Josh)
    It was REALLY good to talk to you too. AH!
    I confess I didn't read your post, because I want to read it when I am not thinking about this:
    http://web.nps.navy.mil/~buttrey/SIndex.html

    Much love! ~Ben(ny)

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  2. When I first read this post I immediately wanted to reply, but as I tried, I couldn't help but think how little knowledge I have on motivation.

    I liked what you had to say about it and at least to me its easily relatable.

    I took some time to really think about motivation, and I have still had some trouble trying to think of just what I should say. It seems to me that either your motivated or your not and it can be hard to make yourself do things even when you are motivated and have the best intentions. I thought of several other things that cease productivity, but they are not worth mentioning because you've already pointed out the best one, excuses.

    Still, not happy with what I had found, I turned my thoughts towards my Bible. And went through it to see just what it might say on the subject and it gave me an answer.

    Paul states several times that The Kingdom is a kingdom of power. In other words God's kingdom is a kingdom of action. Motivation is an important step to action. It would not surprise me at all to find out that motivation is an seldom-heard area of spiritual warfare. Since I had this revelation and have been able to actively pray in that direction, I have indeed found it easier to put my thoughts (will) into action. So I know for sure it has something to do with it.

    Of course this probably isn't the solution to all motivation problems, but I'm sure it can help you because the things you mentioned would all bring glory to God. The devil, well, he don't like that. Plus the things you state as being easily able to do like watch Gilmore Girls, brings little if any glory to God. (You know, in my head this comes off sounding condemning. If it does, forgive me. It was not my intention and I just can't think of a good way to reword.)

    I'm sure you really don't need any of this, but I know I was able to put it to good use. So for that, I'm glad you posted.

    -Mike

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  3. hi sweet jessi. motivation? don't ask me! i hope that you are well. i'm desperately bored this week so call me, email me, anything! i'm not working and i'm too tired to do anything but talk to you all day and eat ice cream! i love you!

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