trusting without blessing.

I'm not sure if I really trust God. Is it ok to say that out loud? I mean I say that I do, and I feel like I do...but I dunno. I read this little excerpt on utmost.org this morning (devotional thing taken from Oswald Chamber's book "My Utmost for His Highest") and I think it's messed up my entire perspective on life.
How are we going to get a life that has no lust, no self-interest, and is not sensitive to the ridicule of others? How will we have the type of love that “is kind . . . is not provoked, [and] thinks no evil”? (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). The only way is by allowing nothing of the old life to remain, and by having only simple, perfect trust in God— such a trust that we no longer want God’s blessings, but only want God Himself.
I cannot imagine not wanting God's blessing, to be honest. I think that is part of what makes Him God to me, and that's a little scary. Because my whole point here in this little life of mine is to live a good life and to love people, but I need God to do that. Because He is the source of goodness and love. I at least know that much. But to only want Him? To want Him alone and none of the perks that come along with knowing Him? That's hard to swallow.

To have simple, perfect trust in God - such a trust that we no longer want God's blessing, but only want God Himself.

That is the mark of a totally surrendered, loving, unselfish person. It is. When we can do that, we can love. We can love because we don't want anything in return. We can be goodness. 

It's so funny that I am currently reading Job right now too. I mean this guy was totally devout. Totally trusted God. And then his home, his servants, his children and his health were taken from him. He no longer had any of the blessings of God. But God was still God. He is still the Creator of the universe. He is still the source of all things good and He, above all else, is holy and all deserving of praise. Even if we don't have breath in us to praise.

I'm really not sure if I could be like Job. And honestly, I really hope I never have to find out.

1 comment:

  1. i think that is why i like the psalms so much. so many of them start with, GOD! what the crap are you doing? i am miserable right now! but they always end with...but yet I praise You, and You are a Holy God. David or whoever is writing whatever psalm is typically not living in blessing, but they always lament to the Lord, and always end with "You are good." it's very humbling.