The debate on choice versus fate is as old as time. I hate making decisions and so the two have really meant the same thing to me - you can choose whatever you want, but what is meant to be will be. That's the safe answer, the easy answer, but is it truth? Or can our choices change our fate? What is fate anyway?
What about phrases like "I was meant to do this" or "They were meant to be together"? If that person had chosen differently then they would have been meant to do something else or be with someone else. So whatever we choose, that is what we were meant for?
That terrifies me.
Like I said, I hate making decisions. I avoid them at all costs. I don't make plans until the day of. I commit to nothing. Can we say issues?
So much seems to ride on every choice that we make. Our lifestyle, our career choice, our soulmate - we must make those decisions. And those are freakin big decisions.
I think this recent freak out moment comes due to my recent birthday. The big 2-5. Quarter of a freakin century. My choices really mean something now. I guess they always have, but they seem to have so much more weight now. Turns out growing up is tough junk.
So how do I know if I am making the right decision? How do I know that the right choice is still yet to come? What if I want this now, but it's only a want, and not right? How do I know what's really truly right? I want to trust that the Lord has my junk under control. But sweet mercy, He still makes me make the choice.
My analytical skills obviously get in my way sometimes. I should just go where my heart takes me right? Because if my heart is in God's heart, then my wants are His wants. Right?!?
This is too much to think about at midnight. I just want to make good choices. And I want to know that I've made good choices.
A very good friend told me that sometimes you just have to make a choice and then own it. Maybe that's the key. You make a choice and own that choice and it will be blessed. I believe that God is big enough to bless the choices that we make even if we don't make great ones. I do believe that. At least I believe that.