hello, dreamer.

Good morning, friends.

Can I just say how nice it is to be doing this again? I realize in my last post how much of a whiner I was being...mornings...jobs...eek. But really I am incredibly excited about what the next few years hold for me.

I feel selfish saying that I want more out of life, because I truly am blessed, but that really is both the pro and con of being a dreamer isn't it? One the one side, I have these beautiful thoughts and aspirations of good things - and not just for me - I truly do find joy in helping people and showing people how beautiful their lives are.

My passion is photography. Something inside me comes alive when I snap that shutter. It is raw and honest and good. I get to capture a moment that was once fleeting. I get to show a mother her expression when she looks at her newborn. I get to remind a husband how much his wife adores him. I get to bring out the joy kids feel when their only job is to be loved by their parents. And I do it every time I take a picture. I love it.

But like I said, being a dreamer can have it's dark side. Sometimes you feel like you're living an unfulfilled life. You have all of these beautiful hopes, but part of you realizes that not all of them may come to pass, and that leaves you a little sad inside. We feel like the rabbit in the cage...we have our food and water and shelter, but what of those meadows and streams and sunshine? Isn't that what we were made for?

I truly believe that everything God made is good, or at least it's supposed to be. And I think He made us to do good things. I think we are the choices we make and both our actions and intentions frame us and mold us. And, honestly, I think our main job in life is to match our intentions to His. I think that He is the biggest dreamer of us all. I think whatever we can dream He can dream bigger. And that excites me.

So maybe the best thing I can do right now, is just say "I'm in." Right now it is my job to make good choices. Love God, love people. Make my actions match my intentions, which ultimately match His intentions. What better dream is there?

I know there's more to it than that, but I'm still trying to figure it out too. I do know though, that following that dream makes me a lot less sad. So that's a start.



morning people.

I've decided I need to be one of those morning people. I mean, think about it. Morning people make the world go round. Bakers, baristas: morning people. So here I am at 6:30 am trying to be a morning person. I'm hoping this bagel and coffee kick in soon.

I want to do things. Mostly, I want to write beautiful things and photograph beautiful people. And write about the beautiful things that those beautiful people do. Is that so much to ask? Can I please just sit here all day and write about things that make me cry and smile and then go through all of the photographs I took this weekend and share them with the world in hopes of bringing a smile to someone else's face?

I want to help make the world go round too.

I have a full time job though so I have to leave soon. I have to sit in front of a computer writing about things I don't really care about, and looking through photos that I don't really care about, and answering phones that I surely do not care about. Because I have bills and responsibilities and whah whah whah.

Surely this is not God's will for me.

My pastor did this super annoying message series at church the last few weeks. He said that God's will is whatever. Like, whatever you're doing (as long as it's not killing, lying, cheating, etc) can be in the will of God. And we should do it well, do it "as unto the Lord." Because wherever we're at, if we're claiming to know Christ, we need to act like Him.

Yeah that's super annoying. I mean it's true, but it's annoying.

I want to quit and run away and then come sit in Starbucks and write forever and forever. But writing does not pay the bills my friends, at least not yet. You gotta do whatcha gotta do. Or something.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that I'm going to try and do both. I'm gonna wake up at the crack of dawn so I can do what I love, and then go to work and try to do it the best I can, so I can pay my bills and be responsible (and pay for my coffee and bagel at 6:30 in the morning) so I can keep doing what I love to do.

I sincerely hope that one day this is my job. In the meantime, look at how cute this is: