diversion.

|diˈvər zh ən; dī-|
noun
1 an instance of turning something aside from its course





































I am easily distracted. Some people may like to call it "free-spirited," but, sorry, no. For example, while writing this post I YET AGAIN changed my blog colors. (but I will stick with this for a while. I promise. You guys probably don't even recognize me anymore...). Ok you get my point.

New projects are rarely finished, even though it drives me crazy to not finish something. I go shopping for ties with my fiancee and get distracted by the pretty shoes (p.s. my fiancee does not love shopping with me).

Sometimes I lose my course...Sometimes I drift over to the other side of where I should be. And I don't mean just at the mall.

It is so hard to keep going sometimes. Especially when I'm unsure of where exactly I'm supposed to be going. I know I have a purpose, and I know that I am here to do good and be good and show others that goodness. But holy hell sometimes I just want to hit people.

Do you realize that Jesus was never diverted? Never. I mean he was God, but he was also a man, on Earth, and there are so many ways to be diverted. But he never erred. He just kept walking. Straight to His purpose.

How do we imitate that??

It still baffles me. I really do want to be good. And I want to get to where I'm going in a timely fashion. But I also want to make Him proud of how I got there.

How do we walk this life, straight to our purpose, without the meaningless distractions? And without hitting people? Anyone?

giving when you have little to give.

When I was in Kenya, one of the things that really struck me (and convicted me, to be honest) was the generosity I encountered from those who had the least. Kenyan women would come out of their mud huts with tea and bread to offer us when we came to visit. Always. Sometime they even served us full meals. And they acted as if it was an honor to give what little they had to serve someone else. How I wish I could be more like them...










Photos courtesy of my very talented fiancee. To see more photos from my trip to Kenya, check out Bedouins International's sets on Flickr here and here.

good people (not the beer).

Meet Calla Maria and her lovely family.



Calla Maria was one of my besties in college and I think I am much the better for it. She taught me how to go on spontaneous road trips and to love the color green. I miss her dearly. She lives in Portland, Oregon now with her sweet-as-pie husband and gorgeous children. I took some photos of them last year when they were in Ft. Lauderdale, just for funsies. She is also going to be one of my maids when I get hitched in March! I am most certainly looking forward to seeing her again. Love you Calla Maria!

and this is why i love him.

cause he's an awesome photographer and will probably be rich and famous AND he makes me pretty.

haha. just kidding. kinda.

See that look in the last photo? Yea, that's about when he told me to look for the Kookaburra.

i cannot talk so i shall WRITE!

I know, crazy, I'm blogging. It seems I've been a bit sidetracked lately, what with GETTING ENGAGED and all. I apologize. I also have this strange throat sickness that left me unmotivated to do anything but lay in bed all day (literally. 14 hours.) and watch Veronica Mars. I am now on Season 3 and I [heart] Logan. (Don't tell Stephen.)

So yeah because of the throat sickness I lost my voice. I now have that sexy phlegmy man voice that made Phoebe a rock star.

Anyway, this whole getting engaged thing has been a roller coaster. I feel like a grown up, or at least that I 'm supposed to be a grown up. There are all of these new and terrifying questions. Like, I have a fancy ring on my finger for the first time ever - should I be getting manicures now too? And, apparently setting our wedding date also means we have set the consummation date - does this mean I have to go to the GYNO?!?

Ugh, growing up is scaaaarryy.

It's worse than ball pits.



And clowns.



(I know, right?!?)

Help.

But you know, there's also the fun and exciting part. I mean, I have a fancy ring on my finger, and hello, consummation here I come! But let's get real here kids. Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the scary parts too? I feel like I am the only bride-to-be ever who has ever been scared ever of getting married and growing up. I mean I love my fiancee. And I love my life. But is it ok to be scared? Or I guess what I'm really trying to say is, am I evil for seeing a scary side too?

dun dun duh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh...

So this is what I did on Friday:

My sly little boyfriend took me on a surprise date to Central Park. He bought me some beautiful little daisies and brought his camera (cause he's a photographer and loves what he does). We frolicked around the park for a while and took photos and it was so fun.

Then we stopped at this little boat rental place and he rented a little row boat (!!!) so that we could paddle across the lake and be so cute (do you know what's coming yet? cause I sure didn't). He paddled us over to the big tree and then started making a big deal about all of the animals..."Hey Jess, look at that turtle way over there"..."Hey look at that Kookaburra up in that tree." I'm like "Where?!?"

I look down at Stephen and he is holding both of my hands and looking at me in a way he's never quite looked at me before. He starts telling me how much he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And then he slips this guy on my left ring finger:

It is so pretty.

Oh yeah, I said yes.

p.s. Kookaburras only live in Australia.

I love you Stephen!!! Thanks for picking me!!!!

another post on being white.

I must share this little experience with you. A few days ago, my roommate and I walked up to 145th to get some fish and chips. (One more thing I love about Harlem - THE FOOD. There are fried things and sweet tea. It's like being back in the South.)

Anyway. We got our fried deliciousness and took it to a nearby park. We were sitting on a bench next to this black guy and a couple of black ladies. (It's important that they're black. Just wait.)

So I'm talking with the roomie, catching up on our day and such, when the guy next to us looks at us, then our food, then back to us, and says this:

"I didn't know white people ate fried food."


>insert immense internal laughter here<

"Well, yes sir, we do. Especially us white folks from the south."

Then (and this is the best part) the lady he was chatting with, completely appalled, says, "You can't talk to her like that. You're supposed to say 'Caucasian.' Leave the nice lady alone."

>insert even more laughter here<

"It's really ok," I assured her. "I know I'm white."

p.s. this is only temporary

The world and it's desires will pass away, but the man who does the will of God will live forever. -1 John 2:17

which basically means GET OVER IT.

Whew, I feel better now.

This is one of the first things about following Jesus that stuck with me. None of the things we have now (including our problems, hurts, wants, desires, etc) are coming with us when we die. In the big scheme of things, it doesn't hold a great deal of value. Of course, that means nothing to us now, when all we know is what we feel and see and hear and taste.

Part of me is so excited about leaving this place. Is it morbid to say that? I mean, I just can't wait to know what it feels like to not worry about whether or not I'm gonna marry the perfect guy or have the perfect house or wear the cutest clothes. But then again, how awesome would this life be right now if I didn't worry about that stuff anyway?

Maybe a little bit of heaven really is possible right here, right now.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. It kind of takes the pressure off when you realize that all of this will be gone soon, so why worry about it? All we were really made to do is 1) be together and 2) love. Nothing else really matters.

p.s.s. this blog template is also only temporary. i'm trying to make it more "me" so i want to do it from scratch. wasn't loving my face in the header, so i put this up for a bit. as soon as i find the time to create something interesting, i'll be sure to show you.

i'm not too worried about it though :)

Love,
Jessi